CONTENTS

December Archive

1. WILL THE REAL MALAYSIAN PLEASE SHUT UP!
A Pseudo-Anthropological Introduction

2. ADOI! MY TISSUES SO SENSITIVE!
The Mysterious Mamak
The Heavy Metal Kutu
The Sungei Wang Jinjang
The Sentul Soul-Brother
The Singhular Warrior
The Portuguese Connection
The Mat Salleh
The Illegal Immigrant

3. HAI-YA, TYPICAL ONLY!
The Mini-Bus Hopper
The Yamaha Yahoo

November Archive

The Jaga Kereta Syndicate
The BMW Bunch
The Bushjacket Boss
The Elvis Fan Club Loyalist
The Professional Form-Filler
The Cari Makan Ethic
Gourmet's Glossary

4. KAMON-LAH, TOK MANGLISH OK?
A Condensed Glossary of Common Manglish Words & Phrases

5. THE JUNK JUNGLE
What Is Junk?
The Video Junkie
The Newspaper Junkie
The 4-Digit Junkie
The Junk Food Junkie
The Mahjong Junkie
The Power Junkie
The 4-Wheel Drive Phenomenon

October Archive

The Born-Again Entrepreneur

6. WE DON'T LIVE IN TREES, YOU KNOW
The Club Med Casanova
The Aficionado of the Arts
The Angry Young Artist
The Pub Pundit
The Undaunted Environmentalist
The Selangor Club Loudmouth
The World-Record Breaker
The Hysterical Hostellite

7. SIGN LANGUAGE

8. GET OUT OF THE WOODWORK!
The Black Marker Brigade
The Phantom Voter
The Human Rights Activist
The Quiet Emigrant

9. AFTERWORD

10. THE AUTHOR/ILLUSTRATOR

11. BACK COVER

The Quiet Emigrant

Only last week he sold you a bunch of palm oil futures. 'Things are definitely looking up,' he said. 'Look at the rubber prices - they've bounced right back, thanks to AIDS, ha ha!'

This is a wonderful country to be born in. The food's good, people are talented, it's a lively blend of East and West, plenty of land, natural resources, blah blah blah.

So how come this week his villa in Damansara Heights is up for sale? Ah... he's joined the rest of his family in Toronto. Oh well, lucky bastard, managed to find himself a job in Canada. Probably did it for the sake of his children (they were terribly traumatised when the Minister of Education visited their school to promote the use of rubber hoses as a disciplinary device).

But will the kids grow up as Canadians? Will they someday qualify as Mounties? Or will they be mistaken for Eskimos? And does it matter? In the end we're all just human, aren't we?

Next year he might send you an invitation for the summer - and there'sll be a P.S. asking if you could smuggle in a couple of durians (for his wife). They're all going to really miss their curry laksa. But I doubt if they'll seriously regret being Quiet Emigrants.

The jingoist crudely declares: 'Let them go. Those who stay are going to cause less trouble.' Isn't that the crux of the problem? We are seen as a nation of potential troublemakers. Paranoia is rampant.

I hear France is a lovely country. Baby Doc seems quite well adjusted there. How about Honolulu? No need to speak Frog there. Too many bloody Japs, though. Maybe Mongolia. Outer... as far Outer as possible.

Personally I'm just about ready for a private dome on the moon. I need some time off-planet to recover from what they call Compassion Fatigue.

The Author/Illustrator

Kit Leee (who has sported his third 'e' for so long he cannot remember how or why he acquired it) was born in Batu Pahat. Since moving to K.L. in 1970 he has enjoyed a remarkable - or ridiculous (depending on your worldview) - career as an adwriter, actor, photographer, traveler, commentator on the arts scene, cartoonist, scriptwriter, and gatecrasher. In his passport under 'occupation' he has written: Ontologist. However, he has no objection to being called a Freelance Human. 'Even though,' he hastens to add, 'I'm not really free. In fact I charge as much as I can but I'm worth it.'

Back Cover